So, the rapture is coming this Saturday, at 6 p.m., in time zones, of course. It’s awfully kind of God to give us an early-warning system just in case we turn out to be the crazy people. But since rapture guru Harold Camping apparently is a skilled, confident reader of the apocalyptic signs, I thought we here at RatM should give him a few more signs — church signs, that is — to read before the Big Day.
I asked some RatM writers and friends of RatM to put their snark to work and pen some dissenting church signs for the coming Apocalypse.
I’m hoping against hope that at least some of these make it onto church signs somewhere in these great United States. Each is short enough, mostly. Please, restore my confidence in American Christianity. Restore my confidence in humanity. Because with folks like Camping around, it’s a hard sell lately.
What would you put on a church sign for this week? Put in the comments, and I’ll publish a Best Of The Rapture on my blog, unorthodoxology, this weekend.
“Free Rapture Parking, Saturday 5:30 p.m. Leave the keys.”
“After rapture, please come here Sunday. We have wine.”
“Rapture Helmets – $500. Don’t let those birds hit you on the way up.” — Tony Hunt
“In case of rapture we accept post-dated checks.”
“Left behind and loving it.” — Ted Troxell
“If you can’t take it with you after the rapture Saturday, please leave it with us.”
“We thought they’d never leave.” — Ted Troxell
“In case of Rapture, play the lottery, with better odds.” — J. Keen.
“After the rapture, beware of zombies. We have holy water. Inquire within.”
“After Saturday, leave a message.” — Jeromy Johnson, Mending Shift
“Post-rapture celebration this Sunday: 8 a.m., 9:30 and 11:30”